I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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