clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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