I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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