Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a search helicopter?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
