1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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