I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
