Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
