Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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