I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
