I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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