if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
