K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
