SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
