hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
