Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
