When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
