mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
