Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
