ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
