Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
