and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
