someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
