I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
