I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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