Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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