i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
