Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
