Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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