well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
