this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
