you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
