The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
