YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
