My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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