If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
