our cab driver is having phone sex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
