fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
