I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
