what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We left an ass print on the piano.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
