just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
