I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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