I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
