Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
