Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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