arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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