I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
