who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
