I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
