There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
