Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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