So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
