i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
