i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
