I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
