So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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