did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So vagazzling was a success
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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