I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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