I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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