how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
