theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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