So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
