why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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