I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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