Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
