I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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