What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
