im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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