im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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