i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
