my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
