Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
