why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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