sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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