trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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