I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
