To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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