You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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