everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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