guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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