Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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