I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
