if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
