Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
