In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
